The holidays are meant to be a time of gratitude, family, and connection, but for divorced or separated parents, it can also bring stress and uncertainty. Deciding where the kids will spend the holiday, managing family traditions, and balancing emotions can feel complicated and put strain on the coparenting relationship. With a little planning, communication, and legal clarity, co-parents can make the Holidays a joyful and meaningful day for everyone.
Here are some co-parenting tips to help make transitions easier:
- Make Holidays a Part of Your Parenting Plan
A well-structured holiday parenting plan helps minimize confusion and conflict during a season when emotions and stress levels can run high. In Massachusetts, parenting plans outline how holidays will be divided between parents. If you have a plan in place, it is important to review these details before the holiday arrives to address any changes to the plans. Some changes may be a distant relative coming for the holiday and one co-parent wants the child to visit with that relative; a parade or other holiday activity that one co-parent wants to share with the child during the other parent’s time; a co-parent wishes to change the schedule to allow for a vacation.
Your plan should specify:
- Who has the children for each holiday and whether to alternate yearly or to share through split days or weekends.
- Pick-up and drop-off times — especially important if travel or long distances are involved.
- How to handle extended family events — for instance, if one parent hosts dinner earlier in the day and the other celebrates later. If one parent travels to visit extended family, perhaps the other can celebrate with the children the weekend before or after.
- Review your separation Agreement or Other Court Orders
Your separation agreement should have a section that outlines the holiday parenting plan. Review that section to see if any changes need to be made or instructions need to be enforced.
If you were never married but have entered into an Agreement with the other parent of your child, review your Agreement for Judgement or other Court orders.
If your divorce or custody case is pending, review your temporary parenting plan order. If you do not have a temporary order and are unable to amicably agree on a holiday scheduled, consider filing for a temporary holiday plan. If you do not have an attorney, contact Fleischer Law Solutions for a consultation on obtaining temporary holiday orders.
3. All changes should be agreed upon and in Writing.
Verbal agreements are easily forgotten or misinterpreted. If you and your co-parent want to make temporary adjustments to your schedule this year (for example, allowing a parent to travel with the kids or attend a special event), confirm it in writing, whether in an email, a co-parenting app or your formal parenting plan. If those changes might become permanent, talk to your attorney about updating your official Massachusetts parenting plan to reflect the new arrangement.
- Keep the Focus on Gratitude and Children’s Experience
The holidays are about gratitude, and one of the best ways to model that for your children is by focusing on the present rather than past conflicts. Encourage your kids to enjoy time with both parents without guilt or pressure. Avoid negative talk about your co-parent and remember that you can help children feel safe and secure, even if your family dynamic has changed.
- Get Legal Guidance When You Need It
Even with the best intentions, holiday disagreements can arise around travel, timing, or family gatherings. Consulting an experienced Massachusetts family law attorney can help you:
- Create or modify a parenting plan that clearly defines holiday arrangements.
- Mediate disputes between co-parents in a constructive, child-centered way.
- Ensure your plan complies with Massachusetts law and protects your parental rights.
- Start Planning Early
It’s important to put agreements in place before the holiday rush to reduce stress and prevent last-minute conflicts. With a well-thought-out plan, respectful communication, and legal clarity, co-parents can create a meaningful, low-stress holiday focused on gratitude, family, and the well-being of their children.
- Honor Traditions While Making Space for New Ones
For many families, the holidays carry deep traditions: cooking a favorite meal, visiting relatives, or watching the parade together. After divorce, it’s natural to want to preserve those comforting routines for your children but it’s also important to acknowledge that some traditions may need to change.
Talk with your children about which holiday traditions they like best and also create new ones. You might decide to keep certain favorites — like Grandma’s stuffing recipe or a family football game — while introducing new rituals that reflect your family’s new normal.
Fleischer Law Solutions has experience working with high conflict custody issues and making post-divorce adjustments to parenting plans and custody arrangements. Contact Attorney Robin Fleischer if you need a modification or have questions on how to proceed.